Okay okay, sorry for baiting you with the sleazy title, but before you get all huffy, this just so happened to be a great way to explain my journey.
Brick by brick I have tried to build a wall of confidence. However, it seems every time I gained some traction some unsuspecting person, thought, or limiting belief would come and tear that sucker down in just a split second, versus the long treacherous time it would take to build.
Over the years, every time my wall was broken or down right pummeled through, I would add on another layer of protection so that the damage wouldn’t be so great the next time. I have to admit, my wall today is still penetrable, but now I am proud to say that you would have to look to the nuclear option to stop me. I would like to share with you a few things that helped build my wall of confidence and propelled me into a journey that Santiago (from The Alchemist. Read it if you haven’t, please) himself would be proud to embark on.
“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” Santiago- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
There was a time that I just walked through life, with no real goals, no solid beliefs, or any idea that I am me. Now that last statement might sound a little odd, but I remember sitting on my bed and thinking, damn, I am Yolanda. This flesh, brains, and tiny place I have in the world are what make up who I am. Not only that, but I am a walking, talking, breathing being who is only going to be on this earth for a precious amount of time. And most importantly what the hell am I going to do with the time I have left?
Since that day, I have been trudging through what feels like goopy sludge to clean out the space in my head of all the things that distract me from self awareness. A few things that have helped me with self awareness are meditation, looking in the mirror, and like minded people.
The Looking Glass
Periodically looking in the mirror and talking to myself, as odd as it may sound, really grounded me. It gave me the ability to really see myself for who I am and connect my brain with the Sleeve (for you Altered Carbon fans), or simply put, the body. Some people use a different affirmation everyday while they look at themselves, but I just kept it simple and said, “I am Yolanda.” Yes, weird, but I still get amazed that I am myself every time I do it. Try it, you may like what you see.
Meditation is very important to me. I feel that it makes me aware of myself and my higher self. Meditation opens parts of my brain that I didn’t know I could access before. When I meditate, underlying thoughts, ideas, and themes of my life that hindered me from growth come up and I am to determine where it came from, why it no longer serves me, and kick that ish to the curb. In the reverse, meditation also helps me realize my greatest potential and when you are trying to build a wall of confidence, you need every tool in your arsenal.
Like Minded People
Lastly, conversing with like minded people has really helped me. At first, when I started my journey of becoming my best self, I thought I was all alone. Stuck with Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, and Brendon Burchard videos. I have to admit I was embarrassed that I wanted to work hard to be great. I mean who says, “Hey friends, I am going to be awesome and sacrifice a lot to do it because I really think I can?” Okay, maybe I wouldn’t say it quite like that, but you get the point. However, I decided to have a little faith and share my new found positivity and stride.
An overwhelming majority of my friends and family didn’t understand it and was happy with the Yolanda they already knew and was looking at this new one like she had on nothing but a bright red thong at a church picnic. The beauty of putting myself out there is that a few of them had the same feelings and were secretly on the same transformational journey too. Now, I have a deeper relationship with friends that I never thought I would. We encourage each other and share in one another’s personal victories no matter how big or small and we are also sharing some tools to build up those walls. When you feel that you are not all alone in the world and that someone else is willing to think a little differently, fly a little higher, and dream in magnificently vibrant color, you are inspired to do what everyone else feels is impossible.
These were just a few ways I “built my wall and reinforced it.” If you have some ways to contribute please comment down below.